Hey guys! I’m Emma and I’m telling it like it is. With a trace of sarcasm and a whole peanut worth of exaggeration. So, please subscribe to
my YouTube channel because 1000 subscribers and 4000 hours of views on YouTube equals
to me starting to make money on YouTube. Which would be amazing. So, human sports as perceived by someone who
was raised by wolves. No offense was meant or harm was done to humans
raised by wolves in the making of this video. But, hey, sports are weird. Ma, as I get to know humans more, I’ve figured
out some of their weird traditions. Like, they enjoy watching others of their
species running around in circles. And sweating? Apparently, this is fun and it gives their
primal instincts something to do. Here are a few examples of ‘human sports’: 1. Baseball Look, they teach dogs to fetch but then they do this? Why don’t they just catch the ball with
their mouths and run on all fours? It’d be a lot easier. But, no, they prefer to miss hitting that
ball with their mini tree most of the time. But, look, when they do manage to hit that ball with
the mini tree, they throw the mini tree to the ground and run. I heard humans are abusive towards nature but this is overkill. You’ve already killed that tree; enough
is enough. But, hey, they seem to like this sport a lot
because it makes them salivate. But no humping is involved so I’m not really
sure. 2. Horse racing Ok, this one makes no sense. Why are they forcing horses to run around
in circles? To run back exactly where they started??? You’re not even going anywhere! And, if the goal is speed, why is there a
human on top of the horse, just weighing it down? Then, they put blinders on the horse? Don’t you want your horse to run away at
the first sign of danger to protect you, the human on top? Oh, but don’t worry, Ma, I’ll ask the humans
if I can invite the whole pack over to a race for dinner sometime. Hey, it would probably improve the horse’s race
time! 3. Football Now, even amongst themselves, they can’t agree if football is this… or if it’s
this. But this one involves some kind of weird group
humping. For something that’s called ‘football’, they
only put their foot on the ball very infrequently, usually after they take their mini breaks. I don’t know why they break anyways but whatever. But why they all want to hump the same person,
I really don’t know. Also, how does the point system even work? Ma, your guess is as good as mine. Sometimes they travel as a diverse pack. Sometimes they don’t. But they don’t really interact with this
subsection of their pack which is strange, especially since it’s usually composed of
members of the opposite sex. They also don’t hump them? Maybe they do that… later? I wouldn’t know. 4. Soccer Oh, this one looks like prime mate finding behavior. Preening and looking attractive is part of
the tradition. They also tend to show off those legs by actually
showing them, sprinting around and kicking very hard. However, there’s not much members of the
opposite sex close by. In fact, they usually fence them off? They seem to really like that ball though
because they sometimes forget about the game and just play with it. Is there catnip in there? Do humans even like catnip? Some of them like growing it so that would
make sense. Oh, they also like replicating grass with little
bits of plastic that smell very weird. For some strange reason. Oh, maybe that’s their catnip? 5. Boxing Now, I can get down with some of the things going on in this one. Two alphas duking it out, to determine who’s
pack leader. Less of those silly costumes humans tend to
wear. You know, if they all stopped shaving, they wouldn’t
have this “I’m cold” issue. But that’s their problem. But, apparently, this sport is rigged?? Ma, they actually pay each other to not win!! Who do you know that would actually lose
a fight, on purpose? Over some bits of tree??? Why do humans hate the trees so much? What did the trees do to them??? I’m actually afraid to ask. 6. Pole vault So, here’s a sport of going over three poles… with a pole. They like the poles in this one, apparently. I thought the point of them making fences
was to protect their belongings but apparently an elite few are allowed to practice going
over them. But why are they landing on their backs? Even the dumbest cat knows to land on their
feet. Man, these humans are dumb. 7. Hockey Now, this is a strange one. Not only did some humans decided it would
be fun to go on that slippery, too thin surface that easily breaks but they also decided to
put some very narrow, sharp objects at the bottom of their feet? Narrow so that it’s easy to fall and sharp
so that, when they do fall, it hurts them? Why humans haven’t evolved to using all
fours, I’ll never know. So, this one also involves mini tree corpses
contorted into weird shapes, (obviously) more plastic and little huts. It also involves humping but it looks like
they get punished for doing that? This is a very counterintuitive sport, Ma. Now, in this sport and in other sports, they
have these weird clear things in their mouths as they play. Looks like a choking hazard or like it would
prevent them from breathing but, hey, they all seem to do it for some dumb reason. But, what is it even? Is it more ice? Or frozen food? If it’s food, that’s actually a smart way of carrying
food because these sport things, even though they don’t seem to have a lot of purpose,
seems to wipe out the humans real fast. 8. Basketball Honestly, I don’t really get what’s going on in this sport. Why that ball needs to be bouncing most of
the time is beyond me. Why not just grab it with the two paws you don’t
use to run anyway and throw it in that basket? They seem to at least pick people with closer
heights to the basket so at least there’s that but why is it so high up to begin with? Oh, wait, wait, I get it. Humans like picking things from tall trees
and eating them. So, maybe this is their way of helping nature,
by adding things back up to the trees? But who wants to eat a ball? Hmm… what strange animals, these humans. 9. Curling Ma, these humans have a weird fascination for cleaning. That’s all I’m gonna say about this one. 10. Snowboarding Ok, this one is just plain dangerous. They attach their only two legs onto a board. So, now they only have one leg!!! Then, they launch themselves down these big hills,
just to preen! Look, I think humans should just sniff each
other’s butts like the rest of us to find mates Much more efficient, much less dangerous and
a more scientific approach. See, some of them even keep doing this preening
stuff when they already have a mate which makes 0 sense to me. 11. Weightlifting So, apparently, with those two legs they don’t use for stable walking, they decide to carry
heavy stuff, just for fun. Look, you sure I’m not a wolf? I think I’d rather be a wolf. 12. Badminton Now, what is going on? Apparently, that thing that’s flying around
is a birdie. Ma, I’ve inspected that thing and that thing was
never a bird. Now, that I’m sure. But why are they running around such a
small space? They’re basically running around in circles…
to keep this thing off the floor? Where it belongs in the first place? These humans give themselves the weirdest
obstacles, I swear. 13. Archery So, this one makes some sense. They used to do this to hunt their prey. Why they don’t use their bare paws and teeth
like the rest of us is questionable but whatever. But the fact that they still do this beats
me. If we didn’t have to hunt as much, I’m
sure we’d find better ways of occupying our time. Like spending time with our families and friends. They say this is how they communicate with
them but I’m not convinced. I’m not even sure if it’s a differently
coloured tree or a leaf? Yeah, no, they’re probably just stroking leaves. After they’ve killed the whole forest. Weirdos. So, that was 13 sports explained by someone
who was raised by wolves. I actually like playing sports but, I’ve
got to admit, there’s always been a part of me that’s like ‘and who thought this
was a good idea??’ If you loved this video, please like it and
subscribe to my channel. And tell me below: what sport doesn’t make
sense to you and why? I’ll most likely agree. Thanks guys!